I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
