Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
