So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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