This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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