i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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