I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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