I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
