You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
