so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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