I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
