i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Damn victory sex feels great
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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