I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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