mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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