in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
