i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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