im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I wear drunk well.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize