party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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