Someone shit on the floor
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
