My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just sucked dick on a ferry
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
