My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
