I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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