saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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