Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
