Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
