Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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