I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
