I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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