I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize