dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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