just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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