Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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