1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize