You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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