I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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