do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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