ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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