He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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