I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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