I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
