Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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