It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
