So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to make out with him forever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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