I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
