ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
