This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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