If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
