one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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