Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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