I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
