he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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