I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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