apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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