omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
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got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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