Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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