I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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