I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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