They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
