Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
