im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
