if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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