I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
