you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
