I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
