Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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