I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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