I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
