I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
